Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
