those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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