I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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