hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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