And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
