Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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