god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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