either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
