This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Who died my cat blue again?
I think people are normalizing furries
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
