Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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