Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
