I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Operation Purity has been aborted
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize