I wish I could teleport
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
