you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
