No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
