When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
