another moral hangover. fuck.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
