Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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