Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
