Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
