Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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