Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
