If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
