i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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