There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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