i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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