Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
