Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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