After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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