I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
