i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
