Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
