I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
