Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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