So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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