the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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