It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
