i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
