im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
