I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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