The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
