You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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