So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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