I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he shaved USA in his pubs
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
