Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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