She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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