ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
