i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
the liver wants what the liver wants
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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