I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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