People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We smell like vodka and hangover
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
