nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize