So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
