Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
