In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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