I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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