Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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