Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
