Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
even my farts smell like vagina
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
