I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
