Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
