So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
