it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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