I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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