Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
