Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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