don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
