And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
