Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
