All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
