sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
