I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
