please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
